"By the time you read this I will be in San Juan Capistrano on vacation. I am sorry that I did not pay my rent, but I wouldn't be able to go on vacation if I did. P.S. If you have time could you water my plants?"

"I cannot pay my rent because I need the money to knock out half the wall by the front door. I cannot get my birdcage through the door.....you should have told me that the cage would not fit through the front door."

"I have been on a four day drunk and was too stoned to make it into the office."

"I couldn't get my car out of the driveway to bring the rent check because the chicken's feet were frozen to the driveway."

"My children have been kidnapped and I had to use the rent money as ransom."

"The bank said I couldn't write anymore checks."

"I had to use the money for a bail bondsman."

"I thought I could take my welfare check and double it by buying and selling cocaine....the cops took all my money and now they won't give it back."

"I'm on a month to month agreement. If I pay on the 23rd, aren't I good till the 23rd of next month?"

"My iguana broke her leg and the x-rays and vet bills took a big chunk out of my budget."